REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH TRAUMA I EXPERIENCED I WAS ALWAYS CRITICIZED SAVAGELY IF I WAS FREAKED OUT OR NERVOUS; OR ANXIOUS AND LOOKING TO MAKE A DOLLAR OFF OF MY ART, MUSIC AND WRITING.

WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE PHYSICAL INJURIES FROM CHILDHOOD AND THE 1967, 1970, 1986, 1997 AND 1998 MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT INJURIES I REALIZE THAT IT WOULD BE NORMAL AND JUSTIFIABLE TO BE FREAKED.

You just never know when you will be hammered into oblivion.

It really makes you nervous that even if you do not make any mistakes you can be beaten or smashed in a motor vehicle accident until you are laying there gasping for air.

I was judged to be too anxious and to be too agressively promoting myself because of my preoccupation with my Musical Performance in particular which I hoped would start me on the road to success and a job based on the only work I could still effectively do.

THE PROPERTY AND FINANCIAL LOSSES DUE TO THE THEFT OF MY CHILDHOOD BANK ACCOUNTS, $475.; I WENT TO UNB PENNILESS. THEN $10,000. WAS TAKEN IN 1964. WHICH LEFT ME AS A REAL LIFE  STARVING STUDENT EATING BALONEY SANDWICHES A FEW MONTHS LATER. THE THE ARSON AND THEN EXTORTION AND MORE INHERITANCE THEFT LEFT ME IMPOVERISHED AND I AFTER I FOUND OUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ''PAST''. 

NO, NO, I AM STILL FREAKED OUT BY THAT FINANCIAL CRIME. I AM STILL NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS AND I NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO CONTINUE MY ART AND WRITING AND MUSIC WITH THE SAME INFRASTRUCTURE AND ASSISTANCE AS SUCCESSFUL CREATIVE ARTISTS HAVE.

I AM SOUNDLY AND STRIDENTLY CRITICIZED OVER WHAT I DO AND WHAT I CANNOT DO AND EVEN OVER MY VIRTUAL PARALYSIS AND PULLING OUT MY SPINE.