MY METHODS FOR COPING WITH MY DISABILITY SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN INTERFERED WITH

EVERY PITFALL I EXPERIENCED SHOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO HAVE BEEN AVOIDED.

I HAD DISABILITY INSURANCE WITH AFLAC. I WAS CHEATED AND SUFFERED FOR A LIFETIME WITHOUT ASSISTANCE.

I STARTED MY OWN BUSINESS AND MY BUSINESS WAS ROBBED AND ARSONED.

I BOUGHT MY OWN PROPERTY TO HAVE SOMEWHERE THAT WAS PEACEFUL AND UNINTERRUPTED SO I COULD HEAL, AND REST AND DO MY ART, WRITING AND MUSIC AND THERE HAVE BEEN MANY MORE POLICE AND BY-LAW AND SHERIFFS THAN GIRLFRIENDS AND JEWELERS AND MUSICIANS HERE.

I AM DISABLED SO THAT I REQUIRE A SLEEP EVERY FEW HOURS. MY EX-WIFE INTERFERED WITH MY ABILITY TO GO TO VANCOUVER, PLEADING WITH AN ASSOCIATE TO HELP HER SAVE HER MARRIAGE BY NOT LETTING ME SLEEP AT HIS OFTEN VACANT HOME.

THERE IS THE WOMEN'S LIE SPREADING COLLUSION SPREADING STORIES TO LAWYERS, POLICE, ICBC, AND MALIGNANT NARCISSISTS AT THE ALF TOONE COOP WHO DROVE ME OFF MY LAST SLEEPING PLACE IN ANY CITY AT THE ROCKLIFFE IN VICTORIA.

I HAVE TO DRIVE ONE HOUR AND SLEEP AND GET UP AND DO AN HOUR OR SO IN THE WORST CONDITION AND THREE OR FOUR IN THE BEST CONDITION AND EVERY TIME I HAVE GONE TO MY ROCKCLIFFE I HAVE COLLAPSED. THIS TIME I SUFFERED MORE COLLAPSES AND IT HAS BEEN SIX YEARS NOW PARALYZED MOSTLY AND NO PLACE TO SLEEP IN ANY CITY. NO WOMEN, NO MUSICIANS, NO CONVERSATIONS, NO NOTHING TO HELP ME TO NORMALIZE AND RECOVER.

THE EXTRAORDINARY HEAVINESS OF VIRTUAL PARALYSIS

I am so Paralyzed that I can't lift my arms, I am supporting them on the arms of the typist chair.

When I do lift myself and cling to things to do a task, like making a sandwich, I end up sitting on the kitchen rolling stool, immobile. Gargoyling.

No one comes to see me. Last Thursday, went to the Bank Machine and the Grocery Store and the Hardware Store and the Health Food Store.

That was my greatest mobility in two weeks, it lasted two hours, mostly I reclined at 135* in my car or I would not have lasted. There was only a couple of minutes of standing at each shop. The exception was the Grocery Store where I had to support myself on the Grocery Cart. My hands and thumbs in particular, still ache and my back as well. I think that is why I am so wrecked as to be useless today.

I had tried to go for a week without being mobile enough to go shopping. I left Sooke and I had to come right home. I could not get eggs or the mail.

The car sits where I drove it in to and unloaded it. Each morning, now Saturday I tried to go to get eggs, it has to be early to get the Egg Lady eggs. I am not able to even drive a few blocks to get eggs and the mail. Really, I am not mobile.

I will lay flat now, I have held myself up on my arms for too long, I am having some tremors and my ribs where I was injured 20 years ago with a 10 finger Tai Chi blow spasm in and out.

A regression from "Start of Throw Down" procedure to the second stage with a "Right Side Lock Up".

I woke up this morning August 22, 2022, at 4;30 am with a spasm in my neck and my right leg twisted. I tried to pull it out but I could not. Legs are "tensed" back out of a proper alignment with the heels ready to collapse the calves upwards. I had a severe reverse arch of the back. There are tensed ligament connections transferring tension, nerve irritation and spasm between the legs and my neck.

I HAVE SWAYBACK LIKE THAT IN THE 

SHELL SHOCK LIFE  blog

I COULD NOT GET THE SPASMS AND LOCKUPS SETTLED DOWN. I COULD NOT GET INTO IN THAT OLD FAMILIAR POSITION WHICH I REMEMBER BEING IN AS A FOUR YEAR OLD, ON THE BED, STRUGGLING TO GET A BREATH AFTER I WAS THROWN DOWN AND JUMPED ON BY MOTHER. I WAS STUCK IN THE CRUMPLED TO THE RIGHT, AFTER THE PULL TO THE LEFT, UNBALANCED AND DISORIENTATED, COMPRESSED INTO A HEAP, AS I WAS JUST BEFORE MY MOTHER WOULD, NOT ALWAYS, BUT OFTEN JUMP ON ME. 

I WOULD STRUGGLE FOR A RELEASE BREATH AND, (THE POLICE RAIDING CAN CAUSE THIS), THEN AS NOW I WOULD EVENTUALLY HAVE THE SHUDDERING GULPING OF AIR AS MY BREATH RESTARTED PROPERLY INSTEAD OF GASPINGLY AND POLICE COULD CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN AND LAST FOR YEARS.

I WAS YANKED BY THE HAIR TO THE RIGHT BUT THEN WRENCHED TO THE GROUND BY THE HAIR TO MY LEFT.

THAT POSITION, LEFT LEG BENT AND TWISTED OVER TO THE LEFT AND MY SPINE TWISTED TO THE LEFT BUT WITH MY HEAD TURNED THE OTHER WAY AND THE MID BACK FALLEN IN IN A REVERSE ARCH IS THE POSITION.

I HAVE TO STRAIGHTEN UP TO STAND AND RIGHT NOW THAT IS LASTING AS LITTLE AS ONE MINUTE AND I HAVE TO BE BACK IN A RECLINED POSITION OR I MUST BE LAID OUT COMPLETELY FLAT OR EVEN IN THE AGE FOUR TO TWELVE THROW DOWN TWIST POSITION OR RECLINING AT 135* CLINGING TO THE FURNITURE.

I ALSO AM AFFLICTED BY TONIC IMMOBILITY AND

SHELL SHOCK        <click

WHEN THESE ARE TRIGGERED, DOWN I GO, JUST LIKE WHEN I WAS THROWN DOWN JUST BEFORE I WAS, NOT ALWAYS, BUT OFTEN, JUMPED ON.

PEOPLE MISREAD BOTH MY HAPPINESS AT BEING MOBILE AND MY CHAGRIN AS I COLLAPSE

WHEN I AM MOBILE, SINCE THE 1980's, I SMILE AND I AM HAPPY AND PEOPLE MISREAD THIS AND CONDEMN ME AS IF I AM IRRATIONALLY HAPPY OR  THEY PURPORT THAT I AM NOT TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY AND REACT AGAINST ME.

WHEN I AM IMMOBILE, NO ONE SEES ME.

WHEN I COLLAPSE INTO SHELL SHOCK THERE IS A VERY GRIM LOOK ON MY FACE WHICH PEOPLE OBJECT TO AND EVEN THINK THAT THAT JUSTIFIES THEIR  CALLING POLICE TO HELP THEM.

I CAN NOT EVER HARASS OR THREATEN OR EVEN ARGUE WITH PEOPLE BECAUSE I WILL GO INTO   (Click on the banner.)

 SHELL SHOCK

I HAD AND HAVE TO OBJECT THROUGH TAPED MESSAGES AND IN LETTERS AND EMAIL AND THROUGH PUBLICATION.

HAD I NOT BEEN INJURED IN 1968 AND 1970 AND HAD I NOT HAD TO STOP WORKING I WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN IN A SUCH A FINANCIALLY WEAK CONDITION AS WELL AS BEING PHYSICALLY SO WEAK THAT YOU CANNOT IMAGINE SUCH WEAKNESS I WOULD CONJECTURE.

I WOULD NOT EVER HAVE LEFT MY JOB AT THE CNR. THAT JOB MIGHT WELL HAVE LED ME TO THE SENIOR MANAGEMENT POSITIONS I HAD HIRED ON TO THE CNR TO WORK AT AND I WOULD LIKELY HAVE GOTTEN TO WORK AT. IF THAT HAS NOT HAPPENED I WAS ALWAYS WORKING AT ART, MY WRITING AND/OR MY MUSIC. I HAVE NEVER QUIT.

I THINK I WOULD HAVE BEEN REQUIRED TO ORGANIZE AND TRAIN WORKERS. 

THERE WAS DOCUMENTED PROOF OF MY ABILITY TO ORGANIZE, TRAIN AND RETAIN THE LOYALTY AND COOPERATION OF EMPLOYEES.

THERE NIGHT BE MORE FRAGMENTS AND REMAINDERS OF MY ABILITY AND PERFORMANCE RECORDS THAN ONE MIGHT IMAGINE THERE COULD BE.

FIND ANYTHING I DID. I ALWAYS TRIED MY BEST AND THAT WAS ALWAYS GOOD.

IF YOU SET OUT TO ALWAYS LEAVE A RECORD OF INTEGRITY AND DILIGENCE YOU WILL LOOK GOOD AND BE ABLE TO TELL STORIES WHERE YOU LOOK GOOD.

THIS IS NOT AN EGOTISTICAL FLAW! 

DO NOT BE MAD AT ME ABOUT THIS TOO!