REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH TRAUMA I EXPERIENCED I WAS ALWAYS CRITICIZED SAVAGELY IF I WAS FREAKED OUT OR NERVOUS; OR ANXIOUS AND LOOKING TO MAKE A DOLLAR OFF OF MY ART, MUSIC AND WRITING.

WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE PHYSICAL INJURIES FROM CHILDHOOD AND THE 1967, 1970, 1986, 1997 AND 1998 MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT INJURIES I REALIZE THAT IT WOULD BE NORMAL AND JUSTIFIABLE TO BE FREAKED.

You just never know when you will be hammered into oblivion.

It really makes you nervous that even if you do not make any mistakes you can be beaten or smashed in a motor vehicle accident until you are laying there gasping for air.

I was judged to be too anxious and to be too agressively promoting myself because of my preoccupation with my Musical Performance in particular which I hoped would start me on the road to success and a job based on the only work I could still effectively do.

THE PROPERTY AND FINANCIAL LOSSES DUE TO THE THEFT OF MY CHILDHOOD BANK ACCOUNTS, $475.; I WENT TO UNB PENNILESS. THEN $10,000. WAS TAKEN IN 1964. WHICH LEFT ME AS A REAL LIFE  STARVING STUDENT EATING BALONEY SANDWICHES A FEW MONTHS LATER. THE THE ARSON AND THEN EXTORTION AND MORE INHERITANCE THEFT LEFT ME IMPOVERISHED AND I AFTER I FOUND OUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ''PAST''. 

NO, NO, I AM STILL FREAKED OUT BY THAT FINANCIAL CRIME. I AM STILL NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS AND I NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO CONTINUE MY ART AND WRITING AND MUSIC WITH THE SAME INFRASTRUCTURE AND ASSISTANCE AS SUCCESSFUL CREATIVE ARTISTS HAVE.

I AM SOUNDLY AND STRIDENTLY CRITICIZED OVER WHAT I DO AND WHAT I CANNOT DO AND EVEN OVER MY VIRTUAL PARALYSIS AND PULLING OUT MY SPINE.

 

ARE EXPERIENCES OF BEING OVERWHELMED AND CRUSHED AS A CHILD THE ORIGINS OF POSTURAL HYPOTENSION?

When, as as child, I was thrown down and jumped on by my Mother no response was possible. There is no ability for a four year old to resist that overwhelming force so the beaten child is conditioned to fall and to not get up if you are going to be jumped on and held down by an adult. Try to get a breath because you will not be able to breathe at any moment when the weight of an adult is put on your chest.

There were numerous experiences I was subjected to where no response was permitted to serious misconduct against me and abuse of myself and my property.

Regardless of what abuse is being committed, if women, authorities or Police do it, not even the appearance of an adrenalin response is permitted. Collapse is the result of the bouts of Hypotension caused by "Adrenalin Response Prohibition".

When I am in the throes of Hypotension Symptoms I cannot stand up. The blood drains to the lower part of the body and my phisiology does not react correctly.

My blood vessels do not contract to safely increase blood pressure and the supply of blood to the brain. I feel the first lack of blood supply in forehead blood vessels which twinge and even burn a little at even the slightest feelings of trepidation.

IF MY HEART SPEEDS UP IT IS AN INSUFFICENT ACCELERATION OR IT MAY ACTUALLY SLOW DOWN.

I COLLAPSE RIGHT DOWN TO THE GROUND OR CATCH MYSELF BUT EITHER WAY I SUFFER CRIPPLING SPINAL JOINT LOCKUP AND TONIC IMMOBILITY AS WELL.

ORTHOSTATIC HYPOTENSION NOT POSTURO ORTHOSTATIC (S)TACHACARDIA . I NOTICED SOME DIFFERENCES THOUGH THE CURE IS THE SAME LEGS UP POSITION.

BLOOD RUSHES DOWN TO THE LEGS AND PELVIS AS HUMANS STAND ERECT.

THERE ARE COMPENSATING AUTONOMIC SYSTEMS. WHEN THESE SYSTEMS ARE DAMAGED BY DISEASE OR BY, IN MY CASE, HEAD INJURY AND COLLAPSE HISTORY,  THE BRAIN IS DEPRIVED OF BLOOD FLOW AND IN SOME CASES  BLOOD PRESSURE WILL DRAMATICALLY INCREASE. 

IN MY EXPERIENCE, I BEGIN TO LOSE THE ABILITY TO STAND, I AM DRIVEN TO LIE DOWN BY AN OVERWHELMING URGE. I WILL BECOME SLEEPY, I WILL HAVE BRAIN FOG, I STUMBLE. 

I AM RESSUCITATED, USUALLY, BY A THIRTY OR FORTY MINUTE NAP WITHOUT CLOTHING AND IN A REAL BED OR IN A CAR BED IN THE PAST, WHERE I KNOW I WILL NOT BE AWAKENED BY ATTACKERS OR RAIDERS. SUBSEQUENT TO AN ATTACK, OR A RAID, I CANNOT SLEEP THERE.

I WILL DO MORE RESEARCH; IT SEEMS A NERVE MALFUNCTION MAY CAUSE THIS. I THINK IT IS A SYMPTOM OF TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY. More to come...