This is an Excerpt from my Apage on how I feel in Documents

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

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My accurate and truthful letters and posts: Lindon Collard Thu, Mar 25, 4:21 PM "Crazy Not Insane" by Dorothy O. Lewis is about the creation of Serial Killers and Psychotic Killers through physical injury and other maltreatment or mistreatm Lindon Collard Thu, Mar 25, 4:50 PM Documentary on HBO " Crazy not Insane". Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> Thu, Mar 25, 4:55 PM to redlinenorton View. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> Date: Thu, Mar 25, 2021 at 4:50 PM Subject: Fwd: My accurate and truthful letters and posts: To: Anne Pearson <annepearson99@gmail.com> Documentary on HBO " Crazy not Insane". ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> Date: Thu, Mar 25, 2021 at 4:21 PM Subject: My accurate and truthful letters and posts: To: Rebecca Collard <rebecca.collard@gmail.com>   "Crazy Not Insane" by Dorothy O. Lewis is about the creation of Serial Killers and Psychotic Killers through physical injury and other maltreatment or mistreatment during childhood. New, sometimes psychotic, alternate entity persons are created to escape the maltreatment.    I definitely attended Mother Collard's Serial Killer School with high impact and pain treatment. The documentary states that shaking children, slamming them into objects or striking their heads with anything causes brain damage in children. ( I wonder, what about contact sports?) I have at least one alternate personality or reality and it is virtually paralyzed and collapsed. That was what would happen when I was pulled to the left then right and thrown down by my hair and jumped on by my Mother. That would crush the breath out of me.I would collapse, gasping. She struck for no reason and without warning with brooms and steel edged yardsticks. I remember the sound of the steel edge cutting through my hair as she struck my skull, and the taste of blood in my mouth. My left arm has steel edge grooves all over it.  When we are subjected to similar maltreatment as we experienced in childhood the obnoxious claim is made that we brought it on ourselves, it is claimed that we mated with persons alike to our abusers, as if we were stupidly so attracted. My siblings and my wife fell in love with the abuse still being perpretrated againdt me by my mother when I was an adult my siblings and the women who married into the Collard Family continued the stealing crimes which women do, men rape, women steal, and they lie and lie to use the "Big Beaters", POLICE.   ONE OF MY FIRST MEMORIES IS OF LAYING THERE MY CHEST LOCKED AND SHUDDERING AS I TRIED TO BREATHE AT 2737 ALLARD, I WAS FOUR AT THE TIME. The documentary on HBO stated that personality change created during childhood trauma will manifest then and later with personality, writing, voice and facial appearance changes. I wrote several songs about Ann's personality changes and I wrote about her assuming a "little girl" voice. She could withdraw into cigarettes and alcohol. She exhibited changing spelling.   Some personality changed individuals are not collapsed but active and dangerous. There is a report of another personality changing person who would sleep after his macabre acts were accomplished. I have the sleep syndrome severely, sleeping deeply several times a day and right after a live performance, creating a cartoon, or accomplishing a  drive to Victoria, or in the past to the Ferry or from it into Vancouver.  I detailed a plethora of accurate and truthful recountations of events, statements and what the results and symptoms were. I put it into writing, animation and musical performance and what do you know, the data driven Art fits right in with the HBO Documentary and my subsequent research. Like I said " Those who witness child beating of a sibling fall in love with that beater and that beating" and the mates, associates and adversaries of persons terrorized and injured as children FALL IN LOVE WITH HANDING OUT MORE PUNISHMENT, HATRED AND PHYSICAL INJURY.  Brain injured abused persons do not, all of them, collapse like I do. Do reprisers of child maltreatment trigger attacks on themselves, or worse, trigger attacks upon innocent person

                                                                                          

 

 

 

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Excerpt from records: Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> 10:54 AM (0 minutes ago) to John Lindon Collard, 4129 Otter Point Road V9Z 0K2  Sooke BC Canada. 250-642-7087 How I feel April 19 2021: I continually have to quit what I am doing and throw myself down flat on the bed here in the Media room. Even sitting reclined at 135* can suddenly end with my having to lay flat on the bed. It is notable that the position I usually end up in to obtain relief is the bodily positioning which is the same as when I was thrown down and jumped on as a child. The left leg is bent at 110* or so, the right leg is slightly straighter. My neck and spine lean to the left but the neck can require a right turn, it was twisted right before I was thrown down to the left. Breathing will eventually return to normal; it is highly restricted when the " fallen in between the shoulder blades" symptom forces me off of my feet or out of sitting. Additionally or alternatively there is an inability to do "anything" because of  Collapse. Postscript: It is possible I will revert to the "powerless crushed child" personality when I am subjected to negative stimuli.Misuse of authority, or misplaced, false and hostile authority cause heinous psychological and physical injury.(I hypothesise that this is a cause of Tonic Immobility.)   Fake 911 calls and fraudulent declarations and defamation cause terrifying endless anguish.  Any form of assault by a criminal gang is very damaging. Trespass by numerous persons is an assault and it is terrifying to be subjected to this. It gets worse with repetition.There is no relief. At this time, I have been cut off from my musical world for decades. I do not have any social life or business life without having a Victoria property to use. I collapsed just driving past the Rockcliffe. I lack the experiences and environment which bring about recovery which I had in the past. Meet New meeting Join a meeting Hangouts Hangouts       More 15 of 1,299 My accurate and truthful letters and posts: Lindon Collard Thu, Mar 25, 4:21 PM "Crazy Not Insane" by Dorothy O. Lewis is about the creation of Serial Killers and Psychotic Killers through physical injury and other maltreatment or mistreatm Lindon Collard Thu, Mar 25, 4:50 PM Documentary on HBO " Crazy not Insane". Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> Thu, Mar 25, 4:55 PM to redlinenorton View. ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> Date: Thu, Mar 25, 2021 at 4:50 PM Subject: Fwd: My accurate and truthful letters and posts: To: Anne Pearson <annepearson99@gmail.com> Documentary on HBO " Crazy not Insane". ---------- Forwarded message --------- From: Lindon Collard <lindoncollard@gmail.com> Date: Thu, Mar 25, 2021 at 4:21 PM Subject: My accurate and truthful letters and posts: To: Rebecca Collard <rebecca.collard@gmail.com>   "Crazy Not Insane" by Dorothy O. Lewis is about the creation of Serial Killers and Psychotic Killers through physical injury and other maltreatment or mistreatment during childhood. New, sometimes psychotic, alternate entity persons are created to escape the maltreatment.    I definitely attended Mother Collard's Serial Killer School with high impact and pain treatment. The documentary states that shaking children, slamming them into objects or striking their heads with anything causes brain damage in children. ( I wonder, what about contact sports?) I have at least one alternate personality or reality and it is virtually paralyzed and collapsed. That was what would happen when I was pulled to the left then right and thrown down by my hair and jumped on by my Mother. That would crush the breath out of me.I would collapse, gasping. She struck for no reason and without warning with brooms and steel edged yardsticks. I remember the sound of the steel edge cutting through my hair as she struck my skull, and the taste of blood in my mouth. My left arm has steel edge grooves all over it.  When we are subjected to similar maltreatment as we experienced in childhood the obnoxious claim is made that we brought it on ourselves, it is claimed that we mated with persons alike to our abusers, as if we were stupidly so attracted. My siblings and my wife fell in love with the abuse still being perpretrated againdt me by my mother when I was an adult my siblings and the women who married into the Collard Family continued the stealing crimes which women do, men rape, women steal, and they lie and lie to use the "Big Beaters", POLICE.   ONE OF MY FIRST MEMORIES IS OF LAYING THERE MY CHEST LOCKED AND SHUDDERING AS I TRIED TO BREATHE AT 2737 ALLARD, I WAS FOUR AT THE TIME. The documentary on HBO stated that personality change created during childhood trauma will manifest then and later with personality, writing, voice and facial appearance changes. I wrote several songs about Ann's personality changes and I wrote about her assuming a "little girl" voice. She could withdraw into cigarettes and alcohol. She exhibited changing spelling.   Some personality changed individuals are not collapsed but active and dangerous. There is a report of another personality changing person who would sleep after his macabre acts were accomplished. I have the sleep syndrome severely, sleeping deeply several times a day and right after a live performance, creating a cartoon, or accomplishing a  drive to Victoria, or in the past to the Ferry or from it into Vancouver.  I detailed a plethora of accurate and truthful recountations of events, statements and what the results and symptoms were. I put it into writing, animation and musical performance and what do you know, the data driven Art fits right in with the HBO Documentary and my subsequent research. Like I said " Those who witness child beating of a sibling fall in love with that beater and that beating" and the mates, associates and adversaries of persons terrorized and injured as children FALL IN LOVE WITH HANDING OUT MORE PUNISHMENT, HATRED AND PHYSICAL INJURY.  Brain injured abused persons do not, all of them, collapse like I do. Do reprisers of child maltreatment trigger attacks on themselves, or worse, trigger attacks upon innocent person

JUST BECAUSE A DISABILITY IS DISACKNOWLEDGED DOES NOT MEAN THAT THE DISABILITY IS NOT ALWAYS WITH YOU

UNFORTUNATELY I CHOSE THE WRONG ROUTE INTO VICTORIA TO BE EXAMINED AT MY DOCTOR'S OFFICE.

USUALLY I COULD ROLL IN THE OLD ISLAND HIGHWAY TO THE VICINITY OF  HEALTH POINT SENIORS CLINIC IN ABOUT FORTY OR FORTY FIVE MINUTES TIME.

I could probably have sailed in on the newly completed Highway 1 but I took my direct route, the Old Island Highway, a low speed route that took about the same time and with much less fuel used. I had not used the Highway 1 for years  without there being construction delays so I took the old road.

I spent a total of possibly fifty minutes waiting at a number of closures, starting in Sooke BC with the one pictured above on the Old Island  Highway being the most longlasting and repetitive closure.

I, UNFORTUNATELY, HELD THE STEERING WHEEL WITH MY LEFT HAND; TEN DAYS LATER IT IS STILL STIFF.

I ALSO HELD THE CLUTCH PEDAL DOWN  AND MY LEFT LEG WRECKED MY LEFT KNEE AND RIGHT UP MY SPINE TO MY NECK AND SKULL MAKING ME USELESS.

TEN DAYS LATER I AM WORSE THAN THE DAYS AFTER I ACTUALLY DID THE TRIP TO VICTORIA. MY LEFT LEG IS STILL COLLAPSING, MY NECK AND BACK ARE LOCKED AND DESTABILIZED AND I EVEN HAVE THE FEELING OF A RIPPED BUTTOCK MUSCLE AS I SIT FORCING ME TO LAY DOWN. MY HANDS ARE SO SORE THEY DO NOT WORK PROPERLY, THE LEFT HAND IS THE WORST.

I had to go shopping for food on Thursday but could not stand in line to go to the bank or to the counter at the Pharmacy. Even so, I am enduring collapse as I sit.

I OWN THE ROCKCLIFFE JUST ABOUT ACROSS THE STREET FROM HEALTH POINT BUT I WILL COLLAPSE IF I GO THERE WHERE I EVEN HAVE A DISUSED BACHELOR SUITE RIGHT BY THE ENTRY.

I COULD DRIVE IN IN PLENTY OF TIME, I COULD HAVE THE NAP I ALWAYS NEED AND WHICH I HAD FOR YEARS IN THE PAST WHENEVER I ARRIVED IN VICTORIA BUT THE ALF TOONE CORPORATION SENT THE POLICE SO OFTEN THAT I PILE.

Years later you cannot imagine my horror when the women from the Alf Toone Coop came to my Apartment Building Business with Police. They want my total annihilation. They said the wished to bankrupt me. I and my three children were living in the building. They wanted someone else to own my property. I have not been back to my home at the Rockliffe for 17 years. I still own it but I get nothing from it but a few bills paid for me, little money and no Victoria home.

IT IS NUCLEAR WINTER FOR ME AT THE ROCKCLIFFE.

I AM FROZEN OUT, LEFT WITH NOTHING OF MY PERSONAL WILL AND COMFORT BY DITZKREIG.

REGARDLESS OF HOW MUCH TRAUMA I EXPERIENCED I WAS ALWAYS CRITICIZED SAVAGELY IF I WAS FREAKED OUT OR NERVOUS; OR ANXIOUS AND LOOKING TO MAKE A DOLLAR OFF OF MY ART, MUSIC AND WRITING.

WHEN I THINK ABOUT THE PHYSICAL INJURIES FROM CHILDHOOD AND THE 1967, 1970, 1986, 1997 AND 1998 MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT INJURIES I REALIZE THAT IT WOULD BE NORMAL AND JUSTIFIABLE TO BE FREAKED.

You just never know when you will be hammered into oblivion.

It really makes you nervous that even if you do not make any mistakes you can be beaten or smashed in a motor vehicle accident until you are laying there gasping for air.

I was judged to be too anxious and to be too agressively promoting myself because of my preoccupation with my Musical Performance in particular which I hoped would start me on the road to success and a job based on the only work I could still effectively do.

THE PROPERTY AND FINANCIAL LOSSES DUE TO THE THEFT OF MY CHILDHOOD BANK ACCOUNTS, $475.; I WENT TO UNB PENNILESS. THEN $10,000. WAS TAKEN IN 1964. WHICH LEFT ME AS A REAL LIFE  STARVING STUDENT EATING BALONEY SANDWICHES A FEW MONTHS LATER. THE THE ARSON AND THEN EXTORTION AND MORE INHERITANCE THEFT LEFT ME IMPOVERISHED AND I AFTER I FOUND OUT I WAS SUPPOSED TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED IN THE ''PAST''. 

NO, NO, I AM STILL FREAKED OUT BY THAT FINANCIAL CRIME. I AM STILL NERVOUS AND ANXIOUS AND I NEED A LOT OF MONEY TO CONTINUE MY ART AND WRITING AND MUSIC WITH THE SAME INFRASTRUCTURE AND ASSISTANCE AS SUCCESSFUL CREATIVE ARTISTS HAVE.

I AM SOUNDLY AND STRIDENTLY CRITICIZED OVER WHAT I DO AND WHAT I CANNOT DO AND EVEN OVER MY VIRTUAL PARALYSIS AND PULLING OUT MY SPINE.

 

ARE EXPERIENCES OF BEING OVERWHELMED AND CRUSHED AS A CHILD THE ORIGINS OF POSTURAL HYPOTENSION?

When, as as child, I was thrown down and jumped on by my Mother no response was possible. There is no ability for a four year old to resist that overwhelming force so the beaten child is conditioned to fall and to not get up if you are going to be jumped on and held down by an adult. Try to get a breath because you will not be able to breathe at any moment when the weight of an adult is put on your chest.

There were numerous experiences I was subjected to where no response was permitted to serious misconduct against me and abuse of myself and my property.

Regardless of what abuse is being committed, if women, authorities or Police do it, not even the appearance of an adrenalin response is permitted. Collapse is the result of the bouts of Hypotension caused by "Adrenalin Response Prohibition".

When I am in the throes of Hypotension Symptoms I cannot stand up. The blood drains to the lower part of the body and my phisiology does not react correctly.

My blood vessels do not contract to safely increase blood pressure and the supply of blood to the brain. I feel the first lack of blood supply in forehead blood vessels which twinge and even burn a little at even the slightest feelings of trepidation.

IF MY HEART SPEEDS UP IT IS AN INSUFFICENT ACCELERATION OR IT MAY ACTUALLY SLOW DOWN.

I COLLAPSE RIGHT DOWN TO THE GROUND OR CATCH MYSELF BUT EITHER WAY I SUFFER CRIPPLING SPINAL JOINT LOCKUP AND TONIC IMMOBILITY AS WELL.

ORTHOSTATIC HYPOTENSION NOT POSTURO ORTHOSTATIC (S)TACHACARDIA . I NOTICED SOME DIFFERENCES THOUGH THE CURE IS THE SAME LEGS UP POSITION.

BLOOD RUSHES DOWN TO THE LEGS AND PELVIS AS HUMANS STAND ERECT.

THERE ARE COMPENSATING AUTONOMIC SYSTEMS. WHEN THESE SYSTEMS ARE DAMAGED BY DISEASE OR BY, IN MY CASE, HEAD INJURY AND COLLAPSE HISTORY,  THE BRAIN IS DEPRIVED OF BLOOD FLOW AND IN SOME CASES  BLOOD PRESSURE WILL DRAMATICALLY INCREASE. 

IN MY EXPERIENCE, I BEGIN TO LOSE THE ABILITY TO STAND, I AM DRIVEN TO LIE DOWN BY AN OVERWHELMING URGE. I WILL BECOME SLEEPY, I WILL HAVE BRAIN FOG, I STUMBLE. 

I AM RESSUCITATED, USUALLY, BY A THIRTY OR FORTY MINUTE NAP WITHOUT CLOTHING AND IN A REAL BED OR IN A CAR BED IN THE PAST, WHERE I KNOW I WILL NOT BE AWAKENED BY ATTACKERS OR RAIDERS. SUBSEQUENT TO AN ATTACK, OR A RAID, I CANNOT SLEEP THERE.

I WILL DO MORE RESEARCH; IT SEEMS A NERVE MALFUNCTION MAY CAUSE THIS. I THINK IT IS A SYMPTOM OF TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY. More to come...

COLLAPSE CAUSES THE VIRTUAL PARALYSIS OF TONIC IMMOBILITY

I RECALL THAT I HAVE LAID AROUND IN THE PAST UNABLE TO DO ANY SHORT PHYSICAL ACTION WITHOUT HAVING TO LAY DOWN AGAIN TO RECOVER.

That does not mean I do not do anything it means I have to do everything in short segments and in a constrained manner without causing any of a number of adverse  neck or back reactions. Having to sit to shovel, for instance is not a speedy way to get shoveling done. I am having a very hard time getting anything done at this time.

ONE OF MY REMEDIES FOR THIS VIRTUAL PARALYSIS WAS TO WORK LAYING DOWN.  I DICTATED INNUMERABLE WRITINGS TO AP, MY PRODUCTION EXPIDITER. YEARS AGO MUSICIANS WOULD COME TO MY HOME AND I WOULD PRACTICE WITH THEM; I WAS LAYING DOWN.

What I did not realize is how I came to be Virtually Paralyzed on many occasions. I would know that following a motor vehicle accident I was injured but I did not realize that as all the carpets of the support I had contracted to receive if I was injured were pulled joyously and sadistically out from under me, I would feel the empty inside feeling and the barely able to stand feeling and then I would collapse.

I DO NOT HAVE TO GO RIGHT DOWN TO THE GROUND. SOMETHING TRIGGERS TONIC IMMOBILITY OR VIRTUAL PARALYSIS EVEN IF I CATCH MYSELF BEFORE I FALL RIGHT DOWN. I DO GO RIGHT DOWN OFTEN AND I MAY NOT HAVE BEEN AWARE THAT I WAS DOWN.

I BELIEVED THAT I FELL OR SLIPPED MANY TIMES THAT I ACTUALLY COLLAPSED DUE TO BEING DISACKNOWLEGED AND OVERWHELMED.

I HAVE GONE INTO A STATE OFCONVULSION IN SITUATIONS WHICH WERE SIMILAR AND EVEN WHEN I SPRAYED MY LEGS WITH COLD WATER. MY CHEST FROZE SOLID, I COULD HARDLY BREATHE UNTIL I GOT INTO A HOT SHOWER. FORTUNATELY THE SHOWER WAS NEARBY. 

MY ALARMING VISAGE

HOW CAN I GO OVER THE SAME GROUND AGAIN?

LIKE TO ARCHEOLOGY THE INFORMATION IS NOT READILY APPARENT EVEN IF YOU DUG DEEP EARLIER.

I was laying there on the media room couch, I can't stand and sit with my arms on the chair arms when I get up and write or whatever. I accomplish many tasks from a sitting position which other persons might not sit to do, to shovel for example.

I was laying down, feet up hanging by my shoulders as well, in mild traction. It felt so good, floating without moving a muscle and with my eyes closed, I enjoyed the calm and lack of striving to hold muself up and I had a shuddering breath release.

One of my first memories is of laying on the bed in the front room of the second floor apartment at 2737 Allard Street in Ville Emard right across from St. Jean de Matteau Catholic Cathedral, I think it was a Cathedral. I had the same shuddering release breath which preceedes back release contemporaneously. It is quite a relief.

I recalled the day I was called in (unlawfully) to ICBC and after the interview I was presented as too frightening to deal with and they recorded and transcripted my calls, I saw automatically printed records of my calls where I say over and over that the version of the accident espoused by ICBC was an absurd fraud.

I told them to have a technically skilled accident investigator to deal with me, I had pictures, drawings and calculations to present. Instead a really angry Bink Lofgren said to me "You are making me late for my vacation"."You were going eighty five miles per hour and left a one hundred and eighty five foot long skid mark."

 

I probably had a collapse on partial collapse at this point, and I did not know this until recently, there is a terrible expression on my face. The person dominating me causes the collapse, it is not my fault, I cannot control it. When multiple persons attack me that excerbates my falling victim to collapse. Financial threats really terrorize and paralyze me. I had no money a lot or owed more than I had or owed constant money  draining and wealth accumulation destroying payments to wife and Mother, so I may overreact to the possibility of financial loss and collapse.

I think I have had a look on my face as I freaked or went into Tonic Immobility that people found freakish and frightening and they discriminated against me as if I had threatened them when I had not. I, surprised that I was to not get paid a sum of money I was depending on to not have to borrow to buy groceries, was described as having the "Most Hostile Look on My Face" that the person who freaked me by saying there would not even be a discussion about paying me my money triggered. I thought I lost my balance and my breath. I now know that is why I was treated as a freakish threat, it was the look on my face as I collapsed. You would look alarmed too if it happened to you.